|DUSTY By yellowbella|
|The Mesh of Power - Foucault|
"She said she didn't teach me to talk that way," I
mumble, feeling embarrassed. I mean, I was just
reprimanded by my mother in front of all of my
friends. She's making me wear this dress and these
flats. I have more guidelines and rules than I can
remember. I feel suffocated, like my mom and dad
are always watching me.
Let me be my own person!
My parents still enforce a bedtime, and I'm not
allowed to be on the phone after eight. Mom gives
me crap about how much make-up I wear, or how
short my skirt is. She doesn't let me eat sugar or
drink soda. Anytime I ask to spend time with Alice,
they complain about me never being home. And
now I can't speak freely without being censored.
Their restraints are too tight, and I'm
claustrophobic. I can feel myself protesting against
their hold. It's a pressure in my chest and tension in
my jaw. It's the anger that runs cold through my
veins every time I'm told what to do, or left feeling
untrusted. It's in the pity in Carlisle and Esme's
eyes, and in every curse word Alice and Edward are
allowed to say.
It makes me want to scream.
But I don't.
What would her reaction be if I said no instead of
doing as she asked? Their hold on me is already so
constricting, I don't even want to think about how
tight it would get if I started acting out.
"Bella, wash your face or you're not going
anywhere." Mom drops her purse and keys on the
coffee table and sits down, showing me how serious
I feel claustrophobic. Their rules and expectations
are strangling me. She wants me to remain a little
girl forever, but here I am, fifteen ready to be
eighteen. Ready to get out of here.
It's why I need the Cullens so badly. I need the
margin they offer, even if it's only for the weekend.
They supply me with room to breathe, where my
parents are watching my every move. Alice and
Edward might make some wrong decisions, but at
least they're allowed to make their own mistakes. I
still get crap about listening to music with curse
words in the lyrics. My mother gives me
looks if I wear something she doesn't approve of.
My dad flashes his stupid badge every time he
me off at school. I'm not allowed in the car with
Edward, I'm not allowed to be on the phone after
eight, and I'm apparently not allowed to wear
to remain a secret.
No boys until I'm seventeen. That's the house rule.
My dad thinks boys are a distraction, and my mom
believes they're only after one thing. They can't
believe that Carlisle and Esme allow Alice to be in
such a serious relationship. My mom appreciates my
friendship with Garrett. But no, no boyfriends. Not
even Garrett. Even though I'm sure he's who she
would choose for me. Who knows, if I came to them
with Garrett, they might
even make an exception
this seventeen rule.
But if my mom and dad
were to learn about me
Edward, everything would be taken away. My
weekends and school vacations out of this house
would be gone, and I'd be stuck here, under their
And maybe that would
be okay if they'd let me
Edward, but they
wouldn't. I don't know
dad would do. I don't really know if Edward would
get in any kind of trouble or not, but I wouldn't be
surprised if they made me switch schools. My phone
would be gone, and the little independence I do
have. I'd never be allowed back over to Alice's. I
don't even know if they'd let me be her friend.
All of that is not something I can risk. Not
Mom and Esme watch us from the bar. Esme is all
smiles, happy to see us happy, but Mom's face is a
little different. Her eyes are looking a little harder …
deeper. If I dance the wrong way she might say
something. Or maybe she can tell that Alice has
been drinking. I don't know, but I hate being under
uncorrupted daughter; a told secret; more than
All at once, at a place like this, it's almost too much
Esme puts her arms around me, hugging me tight.
"Oh, let her stay, Renee. This party is almost over
he's checking me for a crack … an imperfection, a
sign that he can't trust me. I have many reasons
they shouldn't trust me, but never have I given him
one. He's leery, though. Maybe he can't help it. I'm
his daughter, but it's his job to seek untruth in
I resent him for it, even though I shouldn't. Even
though I am a liar; I detest him for knowing what
look for—for making my life harder than I've
made it myself.
|The Gaze of Surveillance|
"How late did you girls stay
up? " Mom asks. She's
helping us fold up our fort,
one blanket at a time.
that I need to know about? Why did you sleep until
three in the afternoon?
"What the hell was that, Isabella?"
I hear him clearly.
Settling back into my role is seamless, but not
I play stupid. "What?"
Charlie meets my gaze through the rear-view
"Edward," he says.
I roll my backed-up-with-tears eyes and smirk.
"Dad, nothing. It's just Edward."
"We don't like it," Mom chimes in, with so much
implication behind her tone.
I believe that we must now free ourselves from this juridical
Consequently, economic processes, diverse
mechanisms, which in a certain way remained
outside control, required the establishment of a
continuous, minute power, in a certain atomizing
fashion; from a lacunal, global power to a
continuous, atomic, and individualizing power: that
everyone, each individual in and of himself, in his
body, in his movements, could be controlled, in the
place of total and mass controls.
position but they
self" must negate the LIE of her "pretend" self,
which is a LIE,
To quote Jean Baudrillard on this:"Children
play a double game. They are in fact children,
but they do not BELIEVE they are children
so they play a double-game," which is what
we see Bella doing in DUSTY.
age and the incest taboo. He begins to wish for an
open relationship with
Bella as she is now old enough that he feels it will
be perceived as normal.
leads to trying to find limits where there are none
he tries to
abnormal behavior when no exchange is the
issue anymore. I am sure the parental modes of
|Dusty's Cover for Publication|