Robert Pattinson and His Film History With Mediocre To Poor Directors

Vanity Fair

I have discussed VF elsewhere. Pattinson is so beautiful in it that Reese Witherspoon looks like a hag in drag. They had to age her to be his mother, of course, but in the same frame with him she is shabby even though she is supposed to be that way. Her image couldn't be tarnished in this last scene where Becky Sharp gets her come uppence for her social climbing ways. Pattinson was deleted for his beauty and for a fake happy ending as Hollywood demands. And they let him go to the premiere without telling him they killed him. Now the DVD sells only because of that one deleted scene. Mira Nair is better than this as a director.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Cedric is beautiful and they are careful not to have the camera too long on Pattinson's face in the same frame with Radcliffe. Castrated again the character of Cedric is murdered never to appear to have his face trouble our Harry.

The Haunted Airman is a nasty film. It is the BBC's attempt to do a low budget stupid film noir a la retro. Pattinson is directed to screw up his face into endless contortions, use cigarettes as props (useless directors rely heavily on props) so we see him chain smoking all through the movie to show that he is older than he is and to portray his psychological condition. His face is used pornographically and one wonders at the sexual orientation of the director and camera person because this is simply Smut Film Lite!

The Haunted Airman

In How To Be Pattinson's audition on the DVD shows a classic preppy Pattinson auditioning to portray a slacker type, trying desperately to get something from his dysfunctional cold family. Untalented and clumsy and as unattractive as he can make himself Pattinson tries to downplay his looks, face, voice into a character that won't threaten anyone. He succeeds. The cast is very good but the screenplay is mediocre. Another attempt to castrate him and in this one he helps them along.

Bad Mother's Handbook

In Bad Mother's Handbook Pattinson now has a funny script, and a good supporting cast. Still he is so goofy, awkward, adorable though, that we can almost overlook another attempt to emasculate him.

How To Be

The Summer House

The Summer House has a number of vignettes with substantial people in them (Amy Adams, Robert Downey Jr, James Franco etc) and none of them are particularly interesting. Summer House is the worst and Pattinson is in it for only a few minutes. It is his star power that sold the DVD until people found they were spammed. Daniel Radcliffe was one of the backers for Summer House and what was he thinking? The director has the girl moping, Pattinson moping, inane conversations as the first moon landing occurs to vainlessly attempt a theme of interest. Very boring and another try to murder Pattinson.

Ring of the Nieblings

In the Ring it is painful to watch Pattinson trying so hard to be what he thinks they want. Everything about this film is so awful it is a disaster. No one's performance could have saved it. And then he was castrated by having his voice amputated and dubbed.


After having studied art history with some of the greats

of the 20th century and always appreciative of Dali, I 

learned something from Pattinson's performance I

never expected to learn. Dali's expressiveness was

always on the surface to be seen but evidently I 

couldn't see it. The melting clocks dripping over the 

tablecloth, Ayn Rand's favorite painting was Dali's crucifixion

and so this to me was wonderful. Was it the screenplay? Was it Pattinson's performance as he tries very hard with little direction and evidently not much friendliness on the set as they all spoke Spanish and 

Bel Ami

Little Ashes

this left him out? His moustache is so obviously fake 

that it is annoying and only poor attention to this detail 

can explain it. His character is impotent and nervous

and seems in way over his head with a cast from Spain

where Lorca is adored. Not likely anyone had sympathy for the flamboyant Dali. Did they project these feelings for his character onto Pattinson? Dunno but it has a sad feel to 

Pattinson's performance which is a brave one under trying

circumstances. You can feel his anxiety as he tries.

It is difficult to know what they will do with Bel Ami, a small budget European film. IMO they have been waiting to see if Pattinson could carry Water For Elephants which I have reviewed elsewhere. Then cowards that film merchants are, they will figure out how to jump on the Pattinson bandwagon to cash in on him. 

And then of course we have Edward Cullen, a fine performance, whenever possible, under a Chick With a Dick director named Catherine Blabbermouth Hardwicke, who tries to castrate him every chance she gets. PC feminists get very nervous when faced with male beauty and kindness and talent combined. Let's kill it!

Does he remind her that she is stupid, boring, silly and an untalented director who specializes in chemistry between costars and make out scenes on her bed because she cannot figure out any other way of doing it other than to turn them into a movie? Poor Amanda Seyfried had to kiss 40 studs so CH could watch.  Hmmmmm. I'm not gonna go there.

Cronenberg on casting and its great importance for a director. How he intuits the chemistry between his actors on youtube: Go to youtbe yourself and put in search engine. I can't make it work any other way. v=jO0zPLQaVWQ 

I am reminded of that Vietnam Buddhist Thich Nhat Hanh ,who went to Paris to help orphaned children get adopted. The way he placed them was:

He looked at the picture of the children and the prospective adoptive parents. And that is the way he matched them up, reading the longing in the hearts of both.